I was afraid to be called a Hijra !!

The Indian N-word

When I was in 7^th grade, I was traveling in a train to a near by city in Southern India. Two women got into the train and started singing in male voice. I didn’t realize they were men dressed up in a sari. They looked just like women but their mannerisms and voice portrayed them clearly as Hijras  or Thirunangai ( Enuchs ). Everyone around us hated these two and  were throwing insults at them using the word "nine", which is considered extremely offensive to transgender folks. 

As a gender confused boy, I knew deep inside I was like them, yet I joined my friends and the insulting crowd to vote them off the train. After they left at the next station, I sensed a sigh of relief from everyone. I felt so ashamed and the entire episode kept haunting me. I was so sacred and worried that I might turn out like them begging in the streets for money.  The N-word gave me the chills.  I decided whatever issue I am dealing with, I will never be know by the N-word.

 

During my recent trip to India, while my friend Kalki and I were strolling in a crowded market place in Pondicherry, an elderly man on a bicycle looked at us and used the N-word. I was shocked and didn’t know how to react. But my friend Kalki ran after him to made sure he regretted for using the N-word.  She said “ if we don’t correct him now, he will keep using it one some else”.

As a helpless boy, I felt sad that I couldn’t stand up for those two transgender women. Now I understand how it feels when you are insulted for being who you are. 

Though I have developed a thick skin for these insults, I have learned to stand up for people like me.

Today I am proud to be known as a Hijra or whatever you may call me.